I’ve had many “what if” moments. This was no small one …

So, the reason I have been silent the past months is because I’ve been working on my big announcement. Are you ready? Drum roll please 🥁🥁🥁…. “Hurray! I’m getting married!”

Okay, wouldn’t it be great if that were true?😊😊😊 That way, all my loved ones, who’ve held their breaths for so long, would get a chance to exhale “finally!!!” Well, I’d like that too. I’ve prayed and hoped for that. But what if that never happens?  What if I never find love, walk down the aisle, say “I do”, feel a baby’s kick in my womb, serve God as a family … What if I never get married? (Exhale! that’s a big one?)

To be honest, I’ve avoided this question several times, thinking it ran contrary to my prayers. “God forbid!” I’d say. 

One day though, I decided to probe my brother: “Hey Bro, what if I never get married?”  I asked. Instinctively, he ‘rebuked’ me – in a very prophetic way of course: 😊 “That’s not happening. God will surprise you and you will shut your mouth up – whether you believe it or not. I have enough faith for the both of us.” Then, as if realizing the nuance between his faith declaration and potential denial, he added, “Nothing changes, my dear sister. I’d always love you. We’re family, even my kids are yours.” I smiled and said nothing more.

I guess to him, my question came across like giving up; immunizing my heart from sickness arising from deferred hope.  To me though, I was facing reality and opening myself to the possibility of what I sometimes  fear – a lifetime of celibacy. 

So the question is valid : what if, for whatever reason, I wound up single for the rest of my life?

Frankly, I think it may get challenging. There may be moments of excruciating loneliness. I may, sometimes feel envious of friends, relatives or colleagues who have families of their own. From time to time, I may even wish I’d married anyone, anyone at all. I’d also feel social pressures and maybe wrestle with depression, self-doubt, a sense of stagnation – even worthlessness. Perhaps I’d hit the abyss of disenchantment and get angry at God at some point – wonder why my meager attempts at living right seem unrewarded while some “heathens” seem to have it all. What is the worse? Heck, even the worse could happen … I am open to that too.  

Nevertheless, I will try my very best: 

  • to surrender to God’s Sovereignty and let go life as I pictured it;
  • to give myself grace and resist the temptation to think something might be wrong with me as a result.
  • to wake up each day, kneel before God and find the multiple other reasons to be thankful; 
  • to seek to make a difference in someone’s life;
  • to own my happiness and nurture my joy in the Lord.
  • to occupy till He comes.
  • to be the best single, living the best single life possible.

I may not always succeed to do all the above, but I will do my very best.

So, what if I never get married? I think, by God’s grace, I will be alright – complete in Christ, assured of His unfailing love, hopeful for eternity. No matter what happens, God will still be God and I, His dearly beloved child. 

And when the time comes for God to call me home, beyond getting married and having kids, I want  my legacy to be that I loved God and people, that I lived a life that honored God and pointed people to Christ. For in the grand scheme of things, a long season or lifetime of celibacy is not the apocalypse. 

So, rest in the Lord, I say it again REST! (Matthew 6:10: Thy will be done)

Blessings

C’Lorrette

Thank you for stopping by. Will do my best to publish more regularly. Stay tuned, share, comment.

One thought on “What if…? (part 1)

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