… For what shall it profit a woman if a man took forever to get over her?

It’s been almost two years since that unrehearsed phone conversation on December 18th. In less than thirty minutes, we dressed our dream of a possible shared lifelong future in immaculate white, put it a beautiful casket and laid it to a final rest! Then, we said our friendship vows, exchanged best wishes and kissed goodbye. But while we paid our last respects to that dream, I desperately wished we weren’t. 

Source: Google Images

Almost two years! Yet, somedays it feels like my heart’s still nursing: trying to forget his hobbies and pet peeves; refusing to daydream when I meet someone who goes by his first name (I didn’t realize he had that many namesakes!); not to mention the heartthrob when I spot someone who remotely looks like him. I had to say goodbye to Facebook too. 

I’d struggled to forget his favorite Bible verses, but the preachers were clueless. And, if I had super powers, I would’ve secretly crashed the stereo when “his” song lit the party. I dreaded his favourite worship song because it drifted my attention from God to him. I revisited all the breathtaking castles built in the air. Even the ruins looked perfect. Why? Just why didn’t we work!?! The reasons seemed well-founded back then, so trivial now.

Not so with him. He’ll soon celebrate his second wedding anniversary. Six days after that phone conversation, this happened… 

It was Christmas Day. I’d just returned from church and was still reveling in the beauty of nativity, the children’s Christmas play, the Choir’s flawless rendition “Joy to the World”, the snow covered trees outside my window…etc. Then, I got a text message, from him. My heart skipped several beats. 😊Yup, his message signal could do that! Here’s an excerpt.


HIM: Merry Christmas.
ME: Thanks, and same to you.
HIM: You’re welcome. (pause….typing….typing…pause…pause…typing…pause). I have some news… Which I’m not sure how you will take… But here goes… Last night, I proposed to “ABC”, and she said yes.
ME: Oh…wow! Congratulations! (in emojis)
HIM: Is that happiness?
ME: Yes, it’s great news. What do you mean you’re not sure how I will take it?
HIM: Well… Just given our history – which we’ve only recently sorted out.
ME: (defibrillator, please!!!)

…. In the best possible way, I expressed genuine happiness for him even though my frail heart was disintegrating to a million pieces. It legit felt like hearing the obituary of a dearly loved one. The joy of Christmas vanished like dew at sunrise. Cold from the snow outside penetrated my bones. I’d flown over eight hours to spend Christmas with family. Now, I had to conjure up sickness to bail out of the fun and special meals. Told my sister I wasn’t feeling too well and needed to stay in my bedroom. Kind of true, wasn’t it? 😊 And Oh, once in my room, I struck a sleep pose each time someone knocked. Lol, the folly of the hurting. 

Anyways, I re-read his text message, folded my fingers as I counted – “19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 – six days!!! I haven’t begun wrapping my mind around this “situation-ship” and, he’s moved on? I bet he took off earlier? Did he ever truly care about me? Was it all a facade? Was he weighing his options and I came much too short? He proposed? She said “Yes?” Good Lord! Well, good for him. I must admit, his fiancée is so beautiful. Hmmm, I may have felt better about myself if she was just a teensy less gorgeous.” Soon enough, insecurity crept in… I ranked myself inferior, unworthy…etc.

You see, I truly meant it when I wished him well. But … it seems I didn’t think he’d turn out so well and so soon? (Oh, human that I am!🤦‍♀️) I may have also imagined that it will be well with me first (lol), or that we’d circle back and be well with each other 😊 – that’s what I desired. Alas! He resurrected on the sixth day and I wallowed in the grave. Here’s why: 

  1. I made the huge mistake of assessing my worth by how ‘fast’ he took to move on. Time lapse has little to do with quality of friendship once shared. It’s about readiness to perceive the collateral beauty and start afresh. A long interlude could mean anything from conventional respect to being meticulous; not necessarily sleep deprivation over us. Even so, that shouldn’t be the barometer for self-worth.
  2. I was selfish: why would I want him stuck over me? What would that change? He deserved a fresh start, so why dillydally over me if he felt strongly about someone else? What would it profit a woman if a man took forever to get over her?
  3. I expected his transition to take as long as mine. News flash – some are Cheetahs, others are Sloths. King David fasted and prayed for the healing of his sick child; yet worshipped and feasted at his death. People are wired differently, with varying levels of maturity. More importantly, God has a  UNIQUE plan for each one.
  4. I was blinded by the pain of what would never be, so much so that I failed to see what could; distressed by his ‘speedy’ commitment to someone else, that I overlooked the #MercyInDisguise: the complete closure it offered me; the freedom to move on; the new beginning, disguised as a definite end. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Source: Google Images

How fast a man/woman moves on, after us, could worsen the initial torment. But, we’re not the sum of time and space occupied in someone’s mind. For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord has CHOSEN you to be his people, his TREASURED possession. (Deuteronomy 7:6).

Easier said than done? Heck YES! So ask God for grace, thank the past for a better future and tell your heart to beat again

God bless you,
C’Lorette

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10 thoughts on “He moved on … “TOO FAST?”

  1. O boy, he moved quiet fast! I don’t know how I would have managed a situation like that. I thank God for the wisdom He’s blessed you with even through this.

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  2. Great piece.

    However, people tend to forget that break-ups are the result of unattended compounded issues in a relationship. By the time the “goodbyes” are being said, one party may be long gone and probably would have even started healing elsewhere.

    It behoves the other party to muster the courage to accept the situation, so they can move on with whatever dignity that’s left of them.

    Let’s pay attention in our relationships so we can gracefully walk out of them just as we entered or avoid break-ups altogether.

    Bless you.

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  3. Hmmm
    At least u were informed….. Jux that heartbeat can even shortened ur life. It is more cruel of a man not to say anything to u….all u hear is ” he is getting married ” from friends….

    God got u dear

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  4. Men seem to always move on too soon probably because they don’t want to hold on to their dead for too long. But most often it doesn’t take long befor they admit like David that “my sin is ever before me” (ps. 51:3). Conscience, like the soul never dies, but haunts us day and night irrespective of how hard we try to suppress it. At some point God eventually sends a type of Nathan who will be bold enough to rebuke even the king for wrong doing.
    But at the same time, no matter how long we fast and pray for our dead to come back to life, they eventually begin to decompose and it is time we bury our own dead and move on.
    One thing I have observed with funerals is that worshipping and celebration always follow.
    So I think it’s high time to move on to something worth celebrating.
    Gwill.

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  5. Wow!!!

    I was lost there in the write-up, I am not sure of what to say but I think just like David, open door policies are good but we shouldn’t forget to close it when misused (i.e. We may always be open for the best but we should be willing to accept the worse when they come). Crying and wallowing or cursing and hate speech are never the best answer to challenging moments/breakups, at times accepting and celebrating it actually counts a lot. Let me end with this words from the Psalmist, “Bless the lord o my soul, and forget not all his benefits”. Psalms 103:2 –> At times it profit us to loss better than to win.

    Cheers

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