I am so thrilled to present the very first guest post on my blog. Authored by Godfred Amankwah in response to “Mr. Wrong.” Enjoy
Once wronged, always right?
“Men are trash!” This was the hot topic of discussion at the beauty salon that morning as the sages, scorned women, passionately vented their bitter experiences with men. Being the third in line to have her braids done, Kessie, a conspicuously unmarried Christian damsel at the Salon, became the counselee for that free talk session. Again, and again, the sages (who had never been men for a single minute) freely offered bias counsel to Kessie about men. “Be careful!” They admonished. “Men are betrayers; they can’t be trusted; they are heartless narcissists; men are trash.” Unbeknownst to them, these negative perspectives only reinforced the deep fears occupying free space in Kessie’s mind. She too was secretly wrestling feelings of betrayal following her dad’s recent decision to divorce her mother.
I’ve heard many similar stories about men who have graduated fiancées or wives from their Private School of Betrayal with unaccredited certificates in the Study of Men. The graduates (aggrieved women) never tire of transferring an amplified version of the bitter lessons learned. Thus, their regrettable past with one man is easily generalized as “all men” and preached as the gospel truth to whoever would listen. Unfortunately, like Kessie at the Salon that morning, such toxic ‘sermons’ have been preached to many ladies under the guise of “relationship advice” thereby significantly altering perspectives and expectations of men. Little wonder therefore that when the timing is right by them, these ladies set out armed with hammers and chisels like pro artisans, ready to carve out their own masterpiece version of “Mr. Right” from the next man who comes their way.
They proceed with a good dose of skepticism and almost contradictory expectations (making things hard for even the best of us). The new man is subjected to more rigorous scrutiny before he is given any nod of sorts. First, “He must be the right blend of Holy Ghost filled and bad boy.” I’m told this adds some spice to the relationship since the average church boy is considered a ‘John’:). He would also have to dress in a specific way and make appearances at certain places just to please her. Isn’t it a woman’s world after all? Secondly, this new guy would have to work extra hard to make up for all the shortcomings of the previous lover:
He is expected be totally honest yet very mindful of his comments on certain issues in order not to offend her (lol). Threats of leaving him will be subtly implied when she is provoked, but he is to completely ignore them and keep pursuing her like a ‘committed man’ would. All meaningful relationships with his female friends would have to be severed because his beloved feels threatened by them. However, she gets to keep any male friend she wants because she is ‘mature enough’ to handle them. Eventually, their conversations become less bible-related or else the “don’t preach at me/ stop judging me” flag would be waved. And, oh, most importantly, she has to be right – ALWAYS. If he claims to be right at any time, everything else would go wrong.
And #1 this is how the obsession for a perfect man, following a broken relationship, has made our dear sister the queen of double standards in her new relationship. It’s almost as if the she would love her man ONLY IF he fits her unpredictable box and submits to her dictates (the reverse of God’s wisdom in Colossians 3;18).
#2 This is how the focus on molding “Mr. Right” has made her oblivious to that fact that she herself may not quite be Mrs. Right, as long as she carries the heavy baggage of a past failed relationship.
#3 This is how the brothers end up bailing out; (who can blame them?) leaving her thinking “all men are the same – trash.”
Don’t get me wrong, the pain of a broken relationship is real and I don’t mean to minimize that. However, we shouldn’t let one bad seed be the lens through which we view all men. Our walls of self-protection can easily become walls of self imprisonment. Take time to heal and trust God’s guidance through it all. He alone sees what’s in the heart and would guide you into all truth. Hear it from a brother. #LetGoTrustGod
Psalms 147:3 – God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
God bless you,
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