Oh weddings! They have a way of testing a Single’s contentment. Here’s a modified version of ten New Testament Bible stories, featuring different types of singles at wedding ceremonies or upon invitation. Have fun! 😊
1. Mary the mother of Jesus: “Oh No! We’re running out of drinks. Here’s some money. Quick, dash to the mall and grab some more before the guests start ‘wine-ning.’ ”
2. Woman with the issue of blood: “If only I could catch just one flower 🌹 from the bouquet, my wedding would be next.”
3. The Prodigal son’s older brother: “It’s not fair. I’ve been a Christian since I was an ovary. Never once have I been in a serious relationship. Yet this brand new convert, who can’t even quote John 11:35, is getting married to the most anointed worship leader in my church.”
4. Man at the Pool of Bethsaida: I have been trusting God for a spouse for several years but no one has asked to marry me. I am always the solicited bridesmaid.😢 And each time I get close to tying the knot, someone else snatches my fiancé (e).” #ThisCupOfSingleness
5. The Pharisees and Sadducees:
– Oh boy, that groom needs to climb a tree to kiss his bride – huge height incompatibility!
– Doesn’t she look a little chubby in that wedding dress? I hope she isn’t pregnant.🤔
– That veil though, makes her look like Moses, straight from Sinai. 🙊
– The vows are incorrect – she’s supposed to say, “You do” NOT “I do.”
– Hmmm, I just know in my spirit that this marriage wouldn’t last a month. I can feel it.
6. The Great Banquet invitee: “Hey Chipmunk, thank you so much for the special wedding invitation. Aww, I feel incredibly honoured! I would love to come, but I just bought the new Overcomer movie, a bottle of soda, and five packs of popcorn for a date with myself, and it’s on the exact same day as your wedding.”
7. The two sons:
a) First Son: “Sincere regrets, I can’t make your wedding. Might not be in town on that day.” (On Afterthought: “Maybe, I should go after all – just to show my face/register present.”)
b) Second son: “I’m definitely saving the wedding date! Are you kidding? I’ll be there on the front porch. Can’t miss!” (Shortly after: “Lord, I’m hyper allergic to weddings these days. Need not expose myself to envy”)
8. The rich young man: “Jesus, what must I do to marry a virtuous woman?” Jesus replied – “You must first be a man after God’s heart.” Rich man: “That’s so arduous! Can I just sow a seed of faith?” 💰
9. The Pharisee and the Publican (Prayer):
a) Pharisee – “Check me out! Unlike poor Lazarus, I’m totally slaying this outfit. #TooLit to be ignored”🔥
b) Publican: “Pass me not oh gentleman”🙏🏽
10. Nathaniel: “Nope! I’m absolutely not interested in someone from a notorious hometown.” Minutes later: “Oh, You’re a Prophet? Yessss, I’ll marry you!!!” 💒
Moment of truth?: 🙈 I’ve been some version of at least 40% of the above : 1, 2, 6&7a – Salvaged weddings, caught bouquets 💐 and made excuses to bail out. Now tell me, what about you? 😊
Allow me to suggest two Bible verses to remember for watching your “contentment meter” : Rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15a); A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. (Prov. 17:22).
—End of Part 1—
God bless you,
The Christian Bachelorette
As always, thank you stopping by today. I would love to hear your thoughts so do not hesitate to leave a comment here below. Also feel free to share. Don’t miss the next post on September 12, 2019, featuring a guest’s reply to my last post – “Mr. Wrong”. If you would like to be automatically notified of new posts, please subscribe/follow me. Shalom!