What if she spends the rest of her life genuinely believing that I had an affair with her husband when I didn’t? Would I miss heaven as a result? (The woman NOT caught in adultery)

As an undergrad, I was thrilled to be part of a youth interdenominational campus Fellowship. We spoke one language – Christianese. The baby Christians spoke elementary Christianese like “amen,” “God is good,” “praise the Lord,” “You’re blessed.” Advanced Christianese was reserved for the mature: “the Lord spoke to me,” “I was led by the Holy spirit to,” “the Lord laid a burden on my heart for you,” “I was just praying in the Spirit,” “I had a revelation.” During prayer meetings, I was the undercover spectator, enthralled to see someone fall under the anointing or pray in tongues. “This has got to be the most place perfect place in the world!” I thought. Such unity of purpose in pursuing God and higher education. Well? The truth could not have been further.

Very often after fellowship, several brothers prompted me for quick chats. They commended my contribution during bible studies, how well I prayed or led worship. Some asked to be my bible study, evangelism or prayer partner 😊. At 17, I was hardly intentional about marriage let alone reading between the lines of those accolades and requests. I thought we were all just loving God and reading our books. Would be just as naïve for many more years and … pay for it.

Soon enough, some ladies at the Fellowship became passively aggressive, even ice-cold towards me. “What did I do?” I wondered.

One day, it was brought to my attention that “brothers” gravitated towards me because I was possessed by “Jezebel’s spirit.” My devastation was visibly inestimable. To console me, the message bearer explained that being possessed by Jezebel’s spirit was different from being an “agent of darkness.” An agent of darkness, she said, was someone who had been initiated into a demonic sect, and who intentionally used demonic powers to wreak havocs such as fatal accidents, divorce, seduction of Pastors etc. Meanwhile the Jezebel’s spirit, though seductive, operated independent of the knowledge and cooperation of the person it inhabited (does this even make sense?).

What better way to persuade me than to suggest that the spirit I was supposedly possessed by, operated without my knowledge and cooperation? Also, the lady who had this “revelation” spoke Advanced Christianese. She said it was a “revelation from God” and I felt powerless to contend. Plus, she was willing to keep it low profile. In our Christian university milieu back then, the last thing you wanted was for word to go out that you were possessed by any kind of strange spirit. You would be automatically ostracised like a leper in the Old Testament days. People would cast, bind and cover themselves with the blood of Jesus, just at the sight of you. I didn’t want that.

Against this backdrop, I took a twelve-days dry fast, breaking every three days. I had one main prayer request – “God, deliver me from the spirit of Jezebel.”

After that, I became low key apprehensive of any “brother” who tried to get close, seeing that as a sign of incomplete deliverance. I found excuses to get out of conversations, to stay aloof. This was the misery of my final teenage years at the University.

God came to my rescue just before graduation. He blessed me with a mentor who took me from one Bible verse to another, showing how ignorant I’d been. Years later, I would realize that the bearer of the “Jezebel spirit revelation” might just have been jealous of my amiability. She tried to trick one of the brothers and failed miserably! I laughed so hard my stomach ached. Maybe I should have empathized but, oh my, it felt so good to hear that! I could bet that the Righteous Judge (God) had rendered a just verdict (fair judgement) for all the trauma she’d put me through. (Mercy!)

That Jezebel spirit allegation experience, however, prepared me for the countless false accusations and suspicious treatments I would later endure – for no other reason than the single fact that I am single, and someone can’t deal with his/her insecurities. I have been accused of: dating, no, let me use the exact words “sleeping” with a married Pastor; of being a potential bad influence on a married friend; of trying to jeopardize a wedding engagement; even of being a POTENTIAL diversion to someone’s POTENTIAL fiancé. Lol! 🤣🤣🤣 (Am I that “powerful?)

False accusations and misjudgements are an integral part of the single’s life, sadly even in the Christian milieu – she’s possessed, seductive, insubordinate, has a spirit husband, you can’t trust singles around your husband/fiancé etc… Oh, the agony!

Previously, I would weep and mourn, beat myself up, try to explain or clarify things, even fast and pray! These proved woefully futile. Now? I am comfortable with whatever someone choses to hastily believe about me. I know the truth about myself and that sets me free, quite literally! #DegreeOfTruth = #DegreeOfFreedom.

My resolve is to #OnlyRespondInLove, to forgive, and NEVER to justify myself in the face of such false accusations. If necessary, time will reveal the truth; if not, so be it. I do not purport that taking this path is less painful. I still get those moments when I am like “God, all these accusations just because I am single?”Can I just manifest some ‘holy’ anger?”

Once, when badly hit a very very farfetched accusation of adultery, everything within me wanted to #HitAngryReply. But then, I recalled the example of Jesus as He was led to the cross. I prayed for my accuser, taking her allegations as indicative of deep insecurities or trust issues in her marriage. To tame my self-justification urges, I asked myself: What if she spends the rest of her life genuinely believing (for no justifiable reason) that I had an affair with her husband when I didn’t? Would I miss heaven as a result? 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️ 🤷‍♀️

I pray for grace to live transparently before God and man (Acts 24;16); to leave no room for assumptions based on my marital status. However, I remain fully conscious of my inability to control others’ (mis)perceptions or stereotypes about singles. #It is what it is; and “by the grace of God, I am what I am” (1 Corinthians 15:10). #NoApology. #NoJustifications #LoveForgive&Pray

“Blessed are the falsely accused” (Matthew 5:11, 12). Count it all joy.

-THE END

God Bless you
The Christian Bachelorette

I sincerely apologize for the long pause. Will make it up with a new post on June 02, 2019. Please subscribe to receive notification.

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3 thoughts on “Navigating singleness-induced allegations…

  1. My dear, if it’s of any consolation, that particular accusation really doesn’t lie only with singles. It lies as well even with married women, just depends of who the accuser is and often with insecurity as you rightly pointed out. But I agree with you, it is more out there and more believable when you are single and that makes it hurt more. I agree with your resolve and pray that you waste no minute pondering on these issues more especially as you are innocent. Life throws all sorts at us but our resolve and our faith makes it easier. God bless and keep you always.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is so much more to gain walking in love. A powerful woman once said “ when they go low, you go high”(MO). Thank you for constantly setting an example in the way you lead your life. There’s something that needs to change in our collective psyche and culture about how we attribute a “default threat” to especially single women. I don’t know whether single brothers face a similar feat. The labeling of women as seductresses, witches, etc aligns well with an unfortunate stereotypical pattern —informed largely by patriarchy—that seeks to subordinate and objectify women. Keep your peace. He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. In fact, He already overcame the world.🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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